Sunday 21 July 2013

Dementia – caring for Mom – dark thoughts – and beyond...

Once, I had friends. Once, I had a life I could call my own. Now? I have nothing. Of my friends, all but one, have gone. Life is lonely.

My family is now so unhelpful, that they recruit a non-blood relative, to act as intermediary in any disputes! Cowards!

Do I feel bitter? Yes! Yet, what I do – I do for love! I love Mom with all my heart, and her dementia makes that harder still. Sometimes she doesn't realize, that everything I do, is because I love her.

I spend most of my time in this prison, we call home. Sometimes, I want to scream – sometimes, I want to cry - sometimes, I want to run away - sometimes, my anger is greater still. Yet, there is something stronger.

Something, that quietly says – “everything you're doing is right”. I know this! Yet I still yearn for the life I had before. I also know, that one day - sooner, or later - my former life will resume. Mom's won't!

A feeling of guilt often overwhelms me. Am I being selfish? No! Yet, it feels that way! I want to do all the things I did before – and, in all probability, I will – Mom won't!

The reality of dementia is – Mom's life has changed forever – in the shorter term, so has mine, but not forever. Soon, how soon? I don't know – but my life will resume. Once again, Mom's won't!

Until that inevitable day, I have made it my duty, come rain, or come shire, to be there for Mom. Regardless of all the trials and tribulations, that may befall us.

Dementia destroys! Not just the person with dementia, but all of those who care – these are the ones who also lose the friendships and relationships, they had before.

Dementia doesn't just steal from one, it steals from all it touches!

Why, in God's name, was such an evil disease, ever created?

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